Pronouns in Church Communications-Caffeinated Church

by Ret David North

As Pride Month comes to a close, a lot of what we do as churches and spiritual communities to celebrate Pride Month is beginning to feel performative. What’s more, we are not the only people with this feeling. But we’re not starting over completely – rather continuing the movement.

Pronouns are a subtle and simple way of affirming our siblings in love. What can feel like the most basic, subconscious part of our language is really a critical factor in the emotional state of those around us and a hint at the level of decency we show to others. As we plan our messages to our communities for the week, for the day, or even for one moment in time, considering pronouns and how we use them is an important step in demonstrating affirmation and love.

Transgender, non-binary, and gender-nonconforming individuals are not the only people who use pronouns. In case you didn’t know it, you use pronouns too! People call you he or she, and no matter how often you think about it, what people use to talk about you is very important to you! No matter your gender identity or expression, even one small mistake of your pronouns or someone calling you the wrong gender is more likely than not to cause you distress, frustration, or anger.

Gender Neutral and Neo-pronouns
What to do when you meet a non-binary or gender non-conforming person? Gender-neutral pronouns (they/them/theirs) have been declared grammatically correct in singular usage by Merriam-Webster, tracing back to the beginning of their usage in the English language. You may also run into people who use more than one set of pronouns and encourage others to alternate pronouns for them in conversation. This includes use of neo (new) pronouns, which are increasingly used in place of standard pronouns (she, he, or they) when referring to people. Below, see some common neo pronouns and examples of how they are used (sourced from UNC Greensboro Intercultural Engagement):

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These pronouns can be difficult to remember because most of us are totally new to them, and that’s okay! Establishing and encouraging pronoun usage, declaration, and discussion in your community can help you to learn more about how to affirm and love those around you. If you’re not sure how to pronounce someone’s pronouns, it’s okay to ask! Many people who use neo pronouns will wear something that tells you to ask their pronouns, rather than declaring them, so that they can tell you how to pronounce them, how their pronouns are used, and even more about that person and how they express themselves. For example: “Hey Ret, I noticed you have the pronoun n-e on your nametag, and I wanted to make sure I’m saying and using it right. Can you help me?”

Incorporating Pronoun Usage
This starts with interpersonal connections, both direct and indirect. If your church uses nametags, this is a great place to start! If you prefer using disposal nametags, have them printed with pronoun options, as seen below. If you don’t have the option of reprinting nametags, write your pronouns beneath your name on the nametag and encourage others to do the same. One look at the nametag can make it that much easier to talk to and about the people around you and sends a subtle message to those in fear of being misgendered that your community is a safe environment that cares about and respects the identity and comfort of each and every person. Using reusable nametags? No problem! Pronouns can be added to nametags using a label maker or a lapel pin, or they can be added with permanent marker.

How you introduce yourself can also make an immediate impact on the comfort of those around you. Just like on your nametag, a personal introduction that includes your name and your pronouns clarifies your identity to the person you’re speaking with while also subtly stating that you provide a safe and loving environment where people to share their own pronouns. This practice can feel awkward at first, because it’s likely not how you’re used to making conversation, but those three or four words can make a split-second difference in how awkward the conversation feels for the other person as well.

Digital communications are perhaps a little easier to incorporate pronouns because it requires less practice. The best place to start is your email signature! Email signatures, especially in your first communications with someone, help the person reading your email to decide many things about you, how you work, how professional you are, and how much you care about them. More often than not, email signatures are programmed to go automatically at the bottom of your email immediately after starting a draft. Your pronouns should come directly after your name in the email signature, as you see below—think as if you’re introducing yourself over email.