Do you have a set of communication norms for your church leadership and staff?
by Ret David North
While for many of us, it seems almost second nature, communication norms are the foundation of solid leadership, effective teamwork, and a comfortable community dynamic. Especially in a time where we are re-learning standard communication skills in effort to better utilize digital mediums, establishing a standard set of communication norms for your church leadership and staff, from online to face-to-face and everywhere in between, can mean more efficient workflow and more stability in communication between you and everyone in your church community.
Norms and guidelines provide a framework; bricks (content) as well as the mortar (relationships) that bind a community together as they move on a journey from disparate individuals to being a thriving community living into the fullness of being Christ’s body—embracing the beauty and diversity of one another. On this journey, it is beneficial to begin with some behavioral guidelines that offer a common language to allow differences within a group to surface in a manner that serves ongoing growth for individuals and groups to discover new insights in themselves, to provide safety in encountering differences, to provide ground rules for engaging in disagreements and being more fully present to one another.
Here you’ll find a guide with some ideas for the basic framework for norms. Allow them to be a conversation point with your church leadership and staff and start open communication and active listening skills early!
A Guide for Being Better Communicators and Listeners
By Canon Mike Orr, Canon for Communication & Evangelism, the Episcopal Church in Colorado
Your Communication Medium Matters
It is tempting to use electronic media when addressing conflict and disagreement. The temptations are especially acute when time crunches, in both life and work, loom. Yet it is almost always true that communication improves—and understanding too—when people slow down. What medium is best for a response? A text? Do you make a phone call or write an email? You could blast a message via social media. The medium will affect how your message might be received. The decision takes a bit of self-awareness on the part of the sender. How might others receive not only the words you share but also the context within which they are conveyed? What is appropriate to the medium? Can you include nonverbal cues? For electronic communications, it is always best to avoid hitting send in communications in conflict resolution, when you are angry, or when you are communicating difficult news. Consider other communication mediums of synchronous relationship building, such as an in-person meeting or a video call where rapport is essential and nonverbal cues can be gauged.
Communication Is an Opportunity
Communication is both an opportunity and a gift. It is not a challenge or threat. Be aware of both your intent and the range of likely impacts. Sometimes we say things, intending to be helpful. But these words may not have the desired impacts. Our intent in speaking does not always have the impact we want, and we need to be aware of the potential for there to be a disconnect. Strive to understand how words and actions may sometimes be received, allowing for abundant grace when the impact is not as we intended.
Conflict Resolution Should be One-on-One
If you have a problem, go to a person individually for resolution. Do not triangulate conflict with a third party. Anonymous communications for the purpose of raising a complaint are not acceptable means of communication to share complaints or opinions. Gossip, assuming intent, triangulation, manipulation, misrepresentation, shaming, blaming, and attacking are unacceptable methods of communication or conflict resolution. Engage a third party for mediation or conflict resolution only when and if a resolution between parties cannot be achieved between the aggrieved parties.
Confidentiality Is Key
If something is asked to be kept confidential, keep that confidence unless there is an issue of harm, past or present, to either the person themselves, another person, or a child. When in doubt about sharing information, do not share it.
Be Generous with Listening and Seek to Understand
Be an open and nonjudgmental listener. Practice self-awareness and be able to distinguish facts from judgments, opinions, assumptions, and feelings. If you don’t understand something, ask for clarification.
Disagreement and Friction Is Holy
Followers of Jesus have always disagreed. No one is always right (including priests and bishops). There may be things and issues that members of our community will simply never agree on, and disagreement is okay. One of the paradoxes of life is that we still need others to develop and grow, however frustrating that can sometimes be. We need people who know us and keep us accountable. We need to be able to respectfully disagree and have our opinions challenged. Iron is sharpened only when it meets heat and an anvil and hammer. Don’t be afraid of these opponents—heat, hammer, and anvil. Understanding their roles in your life is required to continue to grow.
Get Permission Before Sharing
Get permission before offering feedback, coaching, or advice. When you ask permission before giving feedback, you gain agreement and lower resistance from the other person. You also give them the opportunity to decline your feedback. This might happen if they just want to vent. They may not want feedback, opinions, or advice—they just want to feel heard. The wishes of the other person are an important element to consider. When you are offering feedback, make sure your heart is right, that your feedback comes from a place of care, is brief and relevant, and is focused on observable behavior and not clouded by judgment or labels. Additionally, feedback or sharing is not a closed-loop; be prepared for, and even invite, mutual feedback and input.